Home- is the position desired perfectly or to the greatest possible extent.
This word means a lot to me. Home for me can be with my Family, with my friends, or that moment when you are in unison with another. Studying in Wales away from Northern Ireland has made me miss home and it made me appreciate moments more as I don’t get to see my loved ones as much. Seeing familarities means more to me as an artist as it feels comfortable to see places that you know and that have a history within your memory. A common thing that all of us go through seeing loved ones getting older, changes overtime, now I see the littlest things changing, every time I go back home something has changed making permanence almost seem impossible.
Everyone goes through seeing a loved one passing away, becoming ill, becoming pregnant, people getting married, people having children. It is a never ending cycle that we all see and nothing can stop time moving as fast as it does, only memories can slow time down for a while bringing our minds back to what was and what has become from the past. For me since being in Wales this term so much has happened to me which may effect my work in the future, I have went through a lot these past months dealing with death, love and pain.
Something that has not changed is the different in roles when I get home to Northern Ireland than in Wales. At home I look after my grandparents and try my best to do everything I can for my family. Something I think is rather odd is that when I go up to my grandparents house me, my mum and my grandmother all clean, I never understood this, my grandmother and mother I believe use cleaning to solve problems within their minds. Mum and Granny make me clean an already clean house each week sometimes twice a week as my Dad and Granda sit and watch us cleaning around them. I want to understand their daily routines and why they use this to suppress feelings. I escaped this “natural” routine my mum and granny are in however it makes me feel, as an observer confused as to why cleaning is so important to them both. In someways I think back to the scene in Macbeth where lady Macbeth has just killed and cant stop cleaning her hands from blood. I know they are not murderers but this way of suppression effects them is something I am really intrigued with as they take on these motherly roles and do not restrain or try to get out of this fixed daily routine.